Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8

1. A Call to Arms
2. The Bare Witch Project
3. Cheaper by the Coven
4. Charrrmed!
5. Styx Feet Under
6. Once in a Blue Moon

7. Someone to Witch Over Me
8. Charmed Noir
9. There's Something About Leo
10. Witchness Protection
11. Ordinary Witches
12. Extreme Makeover: World Edition

13. Charmageddon
14. Carpe Demon
15. Show Ghouls
16. The Seven Year Witch
17. Scry Hard
18. Little Box of Horrors

19. Freaky Phoebe
20. Imaginary Fiends
21. Death Becomes Them
22. Something Wicca This Way Goes...?

Written by: Cameron Litvack
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick

Season 7, Episode 04
Episode Number: 138

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Leo is standing there. Piper walks in.]

Piper: All set. The kids are asleep.

Leo: What about Phoebe and Paige?

Piper: You want me to put them to bed too? Paige is at school, and Phoebe went to the movies.

Leo: Really? On a date?

Piper: No. With a friend.

Leo: Oh. That's good. At least she's taking advantage of not having to be at work in the morning. That's good.

Piper: You're stalling. Look, don't make it a bigger deal than it is. You're just one Elder calling another to see if you can help.

Leo: But what if they found out?

Piper: They haven't. We already talked about this. Look, you're not gonna be able to move on if you don't let go of the past. That's the reason you're doing this, remember? What?

Leo: You'll think I'm crazy.

Piper: I already think you're crazy. What is it?

Leo: It's just, I've been seeing things lately. Hearing voices that make me feel like I can't come back, and I-I don't know if they're real or not, but they seem like they are.

Piper: Well, that's probably just self-doubt. Ignore it.

Leo: Or a guilty conscience.

Piper: But you have nothing to feel guilty about. What happened was out of your control. All that matters is what happens next, so go play nice with the other Elders. (Piper leaves the room and walks down the stairs. She stops.) Please let him get through this.

[Cut back to the attic. An Elder orbs in.]

Elder: Hello, Leo.

Leo: Hey. Thanks for coming.

Elder: How have you been?

Leo: Good. Great. Actually, that's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about.

Elder: We can't let you back up there, if that's what you want.

Leo: No, no. I understand. So, any word on who killed Zola yet?

Elder: No. But we'll find who did it. We have to. So what can I help you with?

Leo: Well, actually, I was hoping to help you. I mean, you know, as an Elder.

Elder: Well, I don't quite follow.

Leo: Well, I want to do what I used to do before Gideon. I'm just trying to find my way again.

Elder: A couple of Whitelighters have lost track of their charges recently. Two in the last three nights. It may be nothing.

Leo: Charges. You mean, Whitelighters to-be? Or witches?

Elder: Witches. Just practitioners. Not powerful, but still...

Leo: I'll get the sisters right on it.

Elder: Good. Keep me posted.

Ghostly Creature: He lies, Leo. He lies. (The creature appears and floats around Leo.) You can't trust him. You can't trust yourself.

(The creature disappears.)

[Scene: Alley. Brenda walks out of the back of a shop and locks the door. The fog thickens as she walks through the alley. She hears footsteps.]

Brenda: Hello?

(The footsteps get louder. She hurries down the alley. Glass smashes. Brenda runs through the alley.)

[Cut to Brenda's apartment. Brenda walks in through the front door and locks it. Fog floats in through an open window. She walks over to close it and Reznor, a pirate, grabs her and holds her around her neck.]

Reznor: Anybody tell you not to walk alone at night, Witch?

Brenda: Help! Help!

(Reznor carries her out the window and disappear into the fog. When he climbed through the window, a gold doubloon piece fell to the floor.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Leo are there. Leo is sitting at the table in front of the Book of Shadows, a map and scrying crystal.]

Leo: Ahh, this should be so easy. You know, I don't understand why I can't find them. I tried sensing them, I tried summoning them, I tried scrying for them. I've got to be overlooking something.

Piper: Or maybe there's nothing to overlook. I mean, let's face it, like the Elder said, this could be nothing.

Leo: They're still missing, aren't they?

Piper: Still. Maybe you're trying too hard.

Leo: Piper, he wants me to do this. He wouldn't have given this to me unLess it was something.

Piper: Okay. So what do we know so far? What are the common denominators?

(Piper sits at the table.)

Leo: Besides the fact that they're witches, uh, the fog rolled in just before they disappeared.

Piper: Well, of course the fog rolled in. It's San Francisco. (Leo smiLes.) What?

Leo: Nothing. It's just, I miss this.

Piper: SleepLess nights and endLess exposition? Not me.

(Paige orbs in.)

Paige: Do I look like a ma'am to you?

Piper: Morning, sunshine.

Paige: I was just at Magic School taking Wyatt to the nursery, he's fine I might add, and a student bumped into me and said, "Excuse me..."

Piper: A kid with manners? Alert the authorities.

Paige: You didn't let me finish. He said, "Excuse me, ma'am." Do I look like a ma'am?

Leo: He was being respectful.

Paige: Something happened to me since I took over Magic School.

Piper: Paige, you're obsessing.

Paige: You're damn right I'm obsessing. I am far too young to be old.

Piper: Okay, obsess about this instead. Young women disappearing around the city when the fog rolls in.

Paige: That's what you've got?

Leo: That's all the Elders know. We haven't been able to find out much else.

Paige: You spoke to the Elders?

Leo: Yes, and I promised we'd help.

Paige: Good for you. You know, this actually sounds like a job for the young, kick-ass Charmed Ones.

(Paige leaves the kitchen.)

Piper: Where you going? (to Leo) Come with me.

(Piper and Leo follow Paige through the dining room.)

Paige: I'm gonna go scry for them.

Piper: We already tried that. It didn't work.

(Paige stops at the bottom of the stairs.)

Leo: Too much time has passed since the last one disappeared.

Paige: Okay. Why don't we try to find out if anyone has disappeared more recently?

Leo: I'm sure the Elders would've told me.

Piper: Not if they don't know about it yet.

Paige: Hmm. Well, what about Morris? I'm sure he can ask Missing Persons.

Piper: Yeah. Go ahead. You can go ask him. He's outside.

(Paige walks to the front door. She goes outside and sees a car parked across the street. Inspector Sheridan and Darryl are inside the car. Paige goes back inside.)

Paige: They're watching us?

Piper: Staking us out.

Paige: Uh, is that legal?

Piper: Apparently, Sheridan wants us real bad.

Leo: Which means you can't very well go running around the city looking for missing witches.

Paige: UnLess there's a distraction. Phoebe still at home?

[Cut to the car. Inspector Sheridan is on the phone.]

Sheridan: Well, I don't understand. I sent the blood sample back east three weeks ago. What do you mean you can't find it?

Darryl: You know they can see us, right?

Sheridan: (to Darryl) I want them to see us. (to phone) Sheridan. Inspector Sheridan. S.F.P.D. The Halliwell Case. No, it's not a murder investigation. I don't know what it is. That's why I need the damn blood results! (She hangs up.) I hate Feds!

Darryl: So, uh, where'd you get the blood sample from?

Sheridan: From Piper's bedroom when I was curiously knocked out.

Darryl: What do you think the blood's gonna show you?

Sheridan: What's really going on around here.

(Piper walks up to the car carrying a breakfast tray.)

Darryl: You might want to put on a happy face.

Piper: Good morning, Inspector. You must be hungry. Breakfast? Most important meal of the day.

Sheridan: Look, if you think that this is going to...

Piper: Yeah. Okay. (She freezes Inspector Sheridan.) Wow. That's better.

Darryl: Are you out of your mind? Will you unfreeze her right now?

Piper: Sorry. Can't. We need to talk.

Darryl: Listen, I've got nothing to say. I've already made that clear.

Piper: Yeah, so I've heard. (Phoebe sneaks out of the house.) About the string of missing women that you're not telling the press about.

Darryl: How'd you find out about that?

Piper: Because they're witches and we need to find them. So have any been reported missing in the last twenty-four hours?

Darryl: Piper, listen, you know I can't help you.

Piper: Look, Darryl, if you want to help Sheridan hang us out to dry, that's your business. But this is not about that. This is about people who are in trouble. So are you gonna help us or not?

Darryl: Listen, there was one on the missing report this morning. Brenda Castillo, twenty-two. She lives in The Heights. Roommate said she never came home last night, but until she's missing twenty-four...

Piper: We'll find her in twelve. Thanks.

Darryl: You're welcome. Now will you hurry up and unfreeze her?

(Piper unfreezes Inspector Sheridan.)

Sheridan: Get me off your tail...

Piper: Now, Inspector, why would I want to do that?

(Phoebe drives past them and covers her face with her hand.)

Sheridan: Nice try.

(Sheridan pushes the breakfast tray out the way. It falls to the ground.)

Piper: Whoa! (Sheridan starts the car and drives off.) It's alright! I'll clean this up! (She dials a number on her cell phone.) Okay, Paige, you're on. Brenda Castillo, The Heights.

[Scene: Treasure Island. Cave. Brenda and Reznor the pirate are there. Brenda is on the floor with her hands chained together. She wakes up.]

Reznor: Don't bother screaming, love. No one can hear you.

Brenda: What? What do you want from me?

Reznor: We don't want nothing. However, my Captain would like a word with you.

(Reznor pulls Brenda to her feet. Captain Black Jack Cutting and other pirates walk in.)

Brenda: Oh my...

Black Jack: God? Afraid not. You'll have to settle for Captain Black Jack Cutting.

Parrot: Aye-yae, Captain.

Black Jack: Don't you just love clichés? Well, don't just stand there, you fool, bring her closer.

(Reznor pulls Brenda closer to him.)

Black Jack: Ah, the stench of witch. I'd know that anywhere.

Brenda: What do you want?

Black Jack: I want you to die, but not too fast.

(He pulls out a dagger.)

Black Jack: One of your kind cursed me with this a very long time ago. Of course, then I used it to cut her heart out.

(Black Jack cuts Brenda's arm.)

Brenda: Ohh!

Black Jack: Take her away.

Reznor: But what about The Charmed Ones?

Black Jack: All good things to those who wait. Do as I say, or I'll have you in irons!

(Reznor takes Brenda away.)

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's Office. Leslie is there reading the paper. Phoebe knocks on the door frame.]

Phoebe: Knock, knock.

Leslie: Phoebe. Hey, uh, what are you doing here?

Phoebe: I'm just returning your phone call.

Leslie: Wow. Returning my call. Um, most people return phone calls with, uh, I don't know, phone calls.

Phoebe: Yeah. Well, I kinda needed to get out of the house. We're experiencing a bit of a pest problem.

Leslie: Ooh. Is it serious?

Phoebe: Too soon to tell. So what did you call about?

Leslie: Well, it was, a little timely, I had to make a decision, but you did give me free reign, didn't you?

Phoebe: Yes. Absolutely. I mean, how else would I be enjoying my sabbatical, right?

Leslie: Exactly.

Phoebe: So that's it, huh? Nothing else you needed to talk to me about?

Leslie: Um, nope. I can't think of anything.

Phoebe: Ask me? Nothing?

Leslie: Nah.

Phoebe: Okay.

(Phoebe starts to leave.)

Leslie: Uh, wait. There was one thing, actually. I was, um... I was looking through some of your notes and ideas last week, and I found something about a contest.

Phoebe: Oh, the "Win a Date with Phoebe" contest. Yeah, that was Elise's idea.

Leslie: Yeah. I think it's a great idea. I mean, readers love to be talked to and not down to. I think going on a date gives you a chance to make them feel like you're really a part of their lives.

Phoebe: Really?

Leslie: You know, it's a great PR move.

Phoebe: Still...

Leslie: I really, I would love to leave you with more readers than you had when I came.

Phoebe: That's really sweet, Leslie, uh, but I think I'm taking a break from the dating world, as well. Besides, you never know who's gonna win a contest like that.

Leslie: Well, I would win it. I mean, just to protect you, of course.

Phoebe: Are you asking me out on a date?

Leslie: Strictly professional. Look, how about this? We go tonight. We get it over with.

Phoebe: Get it over with?

Leslie: Oh, yeah. So we don't infringe on your life away from here any more than we already have.

Phoebe: Okay. Well, call me stupid, but shouldn't you actually run the contest in the paper before you decide who wins it?

Leslie: Oh, details. I'll just, I'll hold the copy on the date and print it afterwards. So what do you say? Maxine's? Eight o'clock?

Phoebe: Hmm. All right. Eight o'clock.

(Phoebe leaves. Leslie looks at the paper. It reads: "Lucky Leslie Wins Date with Ask Phoebe".)

[Scene: Brenda's Apartment. Hallway. Paige knocks on the door. Carly opens it.]

Carly: Can I help you?

Paige: Hi. I'm Paige Matthews. I'm here about Brenda Castillo.

Carly: Are you from the police?

Paige: No, I'm just somebody who's concerned about her.

Carly: I'm sorry.

(She starts to close the door.)

Paige: No, please. Is Brenda a witch, by any chance? Because if she is, I think I can help find her.

Carly: Come in.

(Paige walks into the apartment.)

Carly: Are you one too? A witch, I mean.

Paige: Yeah. You?

Carly: Oh, no. No, that's Brenda's thing.

Paige: You don't believe in witchcraft?

Carly: I will if it'll help find her. She wouldn't just not come home, you know? She never has. But the police, they won't do a thing.

Paige: Yeah. It's the whole twenty four hour deal, right? You guys seem pretty close. Are you sisters, roommates?

Carly: Um, no. Partners. It's another reason the police won't do anything, you know? They think it's just a lovers quarrel or something, like it's just a big joke.

Paige: I know it's not a joke. Look, if I'm gonna find her, I'm gonna need something, anything to go off of.

Carly: Maybe this will help. (She picks up the doubloon.) I found it on the floor when I got home. I've never seen it before. (She hands it to Paige.) What do you think it means?

[Cut to Treasure Island. Cave. Paige orbs in.]

Paige: Brenda? Brenda? Brenda?

(She sees Brenda laying on the ground.)

Brenda: Go away. Hurry.

(Captain Black Jack and the pirates walk in.)

Black Jack: Took you long enough, dearie. We've been waiting for you.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Treasure Island. Cave. Continued from before.]

Black Jack: You wouldn't just orb out and leave an innocent stranded, would you, witch?

Paige: You look like you've been out to sea for quite some time.

Black Jack: Nearly three hundred years in a place beyond time and space. Only when the mystical fog rolls in do we get a chance to come and play in fair port cities like your own.

Paige: You see, I would have chosen London.

Black Jack: I did. They didn't have what I want.

Paige: And what's that?

Black Jack: You and your sisters. Only you can get me the treasure I so desire.

Paige: Oh, I guess I forgot where I buried it.

Black Jack: Oh, you're very quick with the tongue. Let me ask you, when the Gathering Storm arrives here, will you be making jokes then, huh?

Paige: Gathering Storm. I'm so sorry. I don't speak pirate, matey.

Black Jack: This is not pirate lore. This is something very real, very dangerous, and I don't intend to be stuck here when it arrives.

(Reznor pulls out the athame.)

Paige: Sword!

(A sword hanging on the wall orbs into her hands. She stabs Reznor. It doesn't harm him.)

Reznor: (to pirate) Excuse me. Would you mind?

(The pirate pulls out the sword.)

Paige: Okay. You're supposed to be...

Black Jack: Dead? He wishes. (Black Jack cuts Paige's neck.) That's gonna leave a mark.

(Paige orbs out.)

Reznor: You let her escape!

Black Jack: I let her go. She's no good to us alone.

Reznor: But her sisters...

Black Jack: Will come, when they realize they've got no choice. Are you questioning me, First Mate? You remember your oath? You do as I say when I say it, understand? You all will, or this hell we're in will never end. What about the Golden Chalice?

Reznor: We've had trouble procuring it, sir.

Black Jack: There may be another way. For now, make yourself scarce. We want the witches to rescue her, remember?

Pirates: Aye.

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Leo heals Paige's wound. Paige stands up.]

Leo: Alright. You need to slow down and relax.

Paige: Okay. I can't, because we need to find Brenda.

Piper: Look, whatever their angle is, whatever their reason is, we can't go in there blind like you did, which, I may add, was very dangerous.

Paige: All I did was scry for her with the coin. Is that so bad?

Leo: And look where it got you. If you go back in again, you could be walking the plank.

Paige: Cute.

Piper: Strangely, there is nothing in here about pirates. Leo, do you know anything?

Leo: About pirates? A little before my time.

(Paige opens the Book of Shadows and closely looks at the pages.)

Paige: Are you sure there's nothing in here?

Piper: You need glasses there, ma'am?

Paige: No. I'm just a little woozy.

Leo: Which is why we need to know what we're up against.

Paige: Yeah, well, okay. Then we need to go to Magic School since they're obviously not of this time.

(Phoebe walks in.)

Phoebe: Who's not?

Piper: Oh, just, you know, pirates.

Phoebe: Pirates? Like hot Johnny Depp pirates?

Piper: Yeah, probably not. Tell her, Paige.

Paige: Tell her what? Why we left an innocent stranded?

Piper: No. Why we almost lost a sister.

Paige: If they'd wanted to kill me, they would have. They're obviously after something else.

Piper: Yeah, like wanting to kill all of us.

Phoebe: Okay. What's going on, you two?

Piper: We'll catch you up on the way to Magic School. Right now, we need to go brush up on our pirate lore. (to Leo) Can you watch the kids?

Leo: Yeah, but...

Piper: No, no. You already did your part. Now let us do ours.

Phoebe: Okay. What if we don't find anything? I mean, pirates aren't known to be magical.

Paige: Do you have a better idea?

Phoebe: Actually, yes, I might.

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe and a movie critic are there.]

Movie Critic: Pirate movies? You want to know about pirate movies?

Phoebe: Yeah, I do. Just tell me everything you know.

Movie Critic: I thought you were on sabbatical.

Phoebe: It's not for my column. It's personal.

Movie Critic: Okay, well, I guess "Mutiny on the Bounty" is the very best pirate movie. The Clark Gable version.

(Leslie walks out of Phoebe's office.)

Leslie: That's not a pirate movie. That's a swashbuckler. There's a big difference. Sorry. I couldn't help but overhear.

Phoebe: Do you have your doctorate in pirates as well?

Leslie: Well, I grew up watching pirate movies with my dad. (to movie critic) Hey, I got this. "Captain Blood", "Cutthroat Island", "Blackbeard's Ghost". I mean, I've seen them all. Even "Yellowbeard". It was a great spoof.

Phoebe: You're just full of surprises, aren't you?

Leslie: Wait until tonight. We're still on, aren't we? Come on. You wouldn't want to break the pirate's oath.

Phoebe: The pirate's oath? What's that?

Leslie: Oh, yeah, pirate's oath. If a captain gives his word to his crew, he gotta hold to it or face mutiny.

Phoebe: Hmm. And would I be the captain or the crew in that analogy?

Leslie: Well, it is your column.

Phoebe: Yeah, I wouldn't want to disappoint my readers.

Leslie: So what else do you want to know about pirates?

[Scene: Police Station. Darryl and Sheridan are there.]

Sheridan: Tell me this isn't happening. I cannot freakin' believe he's gonna pull us off this case.

Darryl: Listen, the truth is we don't really have that much to go on.

Sheridan: Oh, we've got plenty to go on, Morris, and we'd have a hell of a lot more if you came clean.

Darryl: You think I know more than what I do.

Sheridan: Look, don't insult me, okay? We both know that you're covering for them. So don't pretend like you're not.

Darryl: All I know is the Halliwells are really good people. They do good things.

Sheridan: Yeah, like send us on a wild goose chase so that they can do god only knows what. Six years of unsolved crimes of all types, all mysteriously connected to them. I don't care what you say, Morris. That's not good people.

(Sheridan picks up the phone.)

Darryl: Who are you calling?

Sheridan: The captain wants tangible proof. I'm calling the Feds, see what happened to that damn blood sample once and for all.

(Agents Brody puts his hand on the phone.)

Agent Brody: You want the Feds? You got him.

[Scene: Magic School. Paige is there looking at bottles of ingredients. Piper walks in carrying a book.]

Piper: I think I found something.

Paige: Huh?

Piper: I said I think I found something. What, are you deaf now too?

Paige: Well, you're gonna go deaf first. Don't forget, you're the older sister.

Piper: Yeah, I love you too. Okay. So does Black Jack Cutting sound familiar?

Paige: No, actually. We weren't formally introduced.

Piper: Well, it says here he tricked a witch into falling for him in the 18th century so she could give him immortality.

Paige: Hmm. That's quite a spell.

Piper: Yeah. It didn't help her much. Um, he cut her heart out with the same athame she used to curse him.

Paige: Who?

Piper: What do you mean, who? The Captain. The guy we're talking about.

Paige: Right. Right. Right. Uh, wait. What was the question?

Piper: Are you alright? You don't look so good.

Paige: I look fine, and, yeah, I'm just concerned with Brenda, I guess. I don't know. Okay. Let's see. He did say something about a storm, a Gathering Storm.

Piper: Well, there is nothing about a storm, just the curse.

Paige: Huh. Well, I guess I better make these potions a little stronger.

(Phoebe walks in.)

Phoebe: Yo-ho, hello.

Piper: Did you just call me a ho? How'd you get here?

Phoebe: A pirate never betrays his vow of secrecy. Leo orbed me. Go ahead. Ask me anything you want to know about Buccaneers. I know everything.

Piper: You see a movie critic, and suddenly, you're an expert.

Phoebe: No. I ran into Leslie, and he taught me everything he knows.

Piper: Hmm. I bet. Looking forward to your date tonight?

Phoebe: No, I'm not. It's just a publicity stunt.

Piper: Mm-hm. Right. (Paige drops an ingredient bottle and it smashes onto the floor.) Paige?

(Paige's hands are shaking.)

Phoebe: What happened, honey? What's wrong with your hand?

Paige: Uh, I don't know.

Piper: I think that athame did more damage than we thought.

Paige: I'm just gonna go sit on the couch, okay? Um, maybe you guys concentrate on Brenda, and making more potions.

(Paige walks over to the couch.)

[Scene: Police Station. Darryl, Sheridan and Agent Brody are there. Sheridan is on the phone.]

Sheridan: Are you sure that we're talking about the same man? Alright. Thank you. (She hangs up.) Okay, Agent Brody, you check out, for now.

Agent Brody: Great. Now can we get to work?

Darryl: What Agency did they say he was from?

Sheridan: Homeland Security.

Darryl: What Division?

Agent Brody: The classified one. You're, uh, pretty protective of the sisters, aren't you, Lieutenant?

Darryl: I've known them a long time.

Agent Brody: Six and a half years to be exact. I did my homework.

Sheridan: So what are you doing here? What do you want?

Agent Brody: I wanna know where you got that blood sample from.

Sheridan: Why?

Agent Brody: Because whatever it is, it's not human. DNA showed a triple helix. Now, we've only got two. Plus plasma, platelets, Rh factors, they're all incredible. Somebody messed up. You were not supposed to find that blood.

Sheridan: I don't understand.

Agent Brody: You wanna explain it to her?

Darryl: Explain what?

Agent Brody: What kind of being that sample came from.

Darryl: Being? How would I know?

Agent Brody: Don't worry, Lieutenant, I'm not after you. I'm after the Halliwells. And the recent rash of missing women that you've been ignoring matches a pattern that goes back for decades. Barbados, Panama, Newfoundland, New Orleans, and now here. Except they aren't missing women. They're missing witches.

Sheridan: Witches?

Agent Brody: ust like the three sisters. And if I'm right, then, uh, one will lead us to the other.

Sheridan: So you're saying that the Halliwells are not human?

Agent Brody: No, no, they're human, alright, but this sample, it just came from something else. (to Darryl) So if I were you, I'd watch my step. People tend to disappear around these girls, especially cops. Now, I have been working for a long time to prove my theories. Now all I gotta do is catch them in the act.

Sheridan: But how?

Agent Brody: You got any Golden Chalices lying around?

[Scene: Treasure Island. Cave. Piper and Phoebe walk in.]

Piper: Maybe Paige scared them away. It's possible.

Phoebe: Pirates don't run from fights. They lure you into them. (Phoebe finds Brenda on the ground.) Piper! Come here. Grab that lantern.

(Piper grabs the lantern. Brenda is now very old.)

Brenda: You must leave.

Phoebe: Who did this to you?

Brenda: The pirate. He cut me with the athame.

Piper: Wait a minute. Who are you? What's your name?

Brenda: Brenda. Save your sister.

(Brenda dies.)

Piper: We gotta go get Paige.

(Piper and Phoebe leave the cave.)

[Cut to Magic School. Piper and Phoebe run in.]

Phoebe: Paige? Are you okay?

(They see Paige sitting on the couch. She has turned very old.)

Piper: Paige?

Paige: Well, now I'm a ma'am.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige orbs in with Piper and Phoebe. Piper and Phoebe help Paige stay on her feet.]

Phoebe: Oh! Easy, easy, easy. We got ya.

Piper: We got ya.

(They help her to the couch.)

Paige: Took a little more out of me than I thought.

Piper: Here. Couch. Couch. Leo? Get up here.

(Phoebe starts looking through the Book of Shadows.)

Paige: Are you two back together? I forget.

Piper: Leo?

(Leo runs into the attic.)

Leo: What's the matter? What happened?

Piper: Just heal this, now.

Leo: Heal? Heal what?

Piper: It's Paige. It's just Paige. She's just... Don't ask. Just fix her.

Leo: Fix it? What happened?

Piper: Well, she got cut by a cursed athame, and she's aging.

Leo: Aging? Well, I can't fix aging.

Phoebe: I can't find a reversal to the curse in here anywhere.

Piper: Naturally.

Phoebe: Still, Captain Cutting must be banking on us finding a reversal to the curse so that we can save them both.

Leo: Maybe I should go check with the Elders, see if they know...

Piper: No. We don't have time. She's gaining years by the hour.

Paige: Forget about me. You have to save Brenda first.

Phoebe: Sweetie, we lost her already.

Piper: Yeah, but we're not gonna lose you too.

(A parrot flies onto the window sill holding a piece of paper in its mouth.)

Parrot: Shiver me witches. (Squawks.) Shiver me witches.

Piper: You have got to be kidding me.

(Piper raises her arm.)

Phoebe: No, Piper, don't blow him up.

Piper: Fine.

Leo: Obviously he was sent here for a reason.

(Leo walks over to the parrot and takes the paper.)

Phoebe: What's it say?

Leo: Captain Black Jack Cutting cordially invites you to Treasure Island.

[Time lapse. Treasure Island. Four pirates have knives up to Piper and Phoebe's throats.]

Piper: Uh, we were invited.

Reznor: Invited? Or were you tricked?

Phoebe: Now you wouldn't want to be violating parlay, would you?

Piper: Phoebe, now is not the time for stupid pirate facts.

Reznor: How would you know about parlay?

Phoebe: Actually, I know everything about parlay. Everyone does. It's the sacredness of the Captain's word, right? Piper?

Piper: Hmm?

Phoebe: You remember. Pirates of the Caribbean?

Piper: Okay, so?

Phoebe: So, it's what keeps the crew from mutiny. Yeah, it's the oath of the pirates, right? As long as the Captain keeps his word, you're bound to him. Forever.

Reznor: Yeah. And what's it to you?

Phoebe: Well, quite honestly it just doesn't seem fair. I mean, he's the one that's cursed, not you, right? I mean, how are you ever supposed to move on?

(Captain Black Jack walks in with the parrot on his shoulder.)

Black Jack: What are you jabbering about over there? Bring 'em closer.

(The pirates push them closer to Black Jack.)

Piper: Whoa, easy.

Black Jack: Come to save your sister, have you? How noble of you.

Phoebe: You're wasting your time. We don't know how to reverse the curse.

Black Jack: You don't have to. Just need to call forth the fountain of youth.

(He points to a fountain behind them.)

Piper: That's a myth.

Black Jack: So are three hundred year old pirates who sail the high seas searching for revenge. Take it from me, the fountain of youth is very real. Only Ponce de Leon had it wrong. I've got it right. And finding it is the only way to save your precious sister's life.

[Time lapse. Attic. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is writing a spell.]

Leo: He wants you to do what?

Piper: You heard me. Break into a museum.

Leo: To find the fountain of youth?

Piper: No, to steal a golden chalice that turns on the fountain of youth.

Leo: Piper, you can't do this.

Piper: I don't have a choice. Without the chalice I can't cast the spell, without the spell I can't save Paige. So there you go.

Leo: What if you get caught? This is exactly what Sheridan wants.

Piper: Forget about her. This is about family. A family, by the way, you have to be able to take care of if anything happens to us.

Leo: Piper.

Piper: No, I mean it, Leo. You need to promise me you'll be able to take care of them.

Leo: I can't believe you're saying this.

Piper: Well, believe it. Ignore the voices and you'll be fine. You have to be.

[Scene: San Francisco Museum Hall. Front desk. The security guard suddenly freezes. Piper and Phoebe walk in wearing long black tight clothes.]

Phoebe: So far so good.

Piper: Oh, yeah?

(The look down from the balcony and see the chalice surrounded by many lasers pointing at it.)

Phoebe: Wow. If we pull this off Paige owes me Prada.

Piper: And babysitting for a year. (Piper freezes the lasers. They walk down the stairs. Phoebe's phone vibrates.) You're getting a call now?

Phoebe: Oh, no, oh, no, Piper, it's Leslie. I totally forgot about our date.

Piper: Don't you mean your publicity stunt?

Phoebe: What do you want from me?

Piper: I want you to admit that maybe you like him a little.

Phoebe: No.

Piper: Well, aren't you gonna answer it?

Phoebe: No, I'm not gonna answer it. We're a little busy right now. What am I gonna tell him? We're robbing a museum?

[Cut to a restaurant. Leslie is sitting at a table for two. He's calling Phoebe on his cell phone. He gives up and leaves.]

[Cut back to the museum.]

Piper: Okay, deep breath. Clear your mind. Think positive, think positive. Ready, ready, ready? Okay, after you. (Phoebe rolls over a laser. She then slides under another.) Easy. (She steps over another one.) Careful.

(She gets on her back and slides under a low laser. She stands up in front of the chalice which is inside a glass case.)

Phoebe: Okay, now what. (Piper blows up the glass case and quickly freezes the pieces in mid air.) Nicely done.

(Phoebe takes the chalice off its stand and sets off the alarm. They run.)

Piper: This is bad. This is bad.

(They run down the hallway. Darryl, Sheridan and Agent Brody come out of hiding.)

Sheridan: How'd you know they'd be here?

Agent Brody: What are you doing?

Sheridan: What do you mean? I'm gonna bust them.

Agent Brody: Not with that thing you're not. Besides, I don't want to catch them stealing. I want to catch them using magic.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Treasure Island. Captain Black Jack and the pirates are waiting there. Piper and Phoebe arrive with the chalice.]

Black Jack: Welcome back, ladies.

Phoebe: Stow it. Here's your chalice.

Black Jack: What's your hurry? (He takes the chalice and stands next to the fountain of youth.) Now, the spell if you will.

Piper: "With these offerings, I call on thee, the Goddess of Fertility, rise now, show us the truth, give us the gift of eternal youth."

(The fountain pours magical water into the chalice. Black Jack drinks from the chalice and returns to his young self.)

Pirate: He's young again.

Reznor: Mother of god.

(Black Jack puts the chalice down.)

Piper: Now, my sister.

Black Jack: What about her? Run them through.

(The pirates pull out their swords and step towards Piper and Phoebe.)

Phoebe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He just broke his oath. He promised not to hurt us, remember?

Black Jack: I said kill them. What are you waiting for?

Phoebe: He doesn't care about his oath, or parlay. All he cares about is himself. He promised you treasures, right? He promised you freedom, but where is it? He lied. He broke his oath, and now you can too.

(Captain Black Jack grabs Reznor.)

Black Jack: I'll have you drawn and quartered, sir. Raised from the highest yardarm until sun rots your skin. Then I'll feed you to the sharks.

(Reznor pushes him to the ground and draws his sword.)

Phoebe: Looks like mutiny to me.

Black Jack: You'll die too, you know. You're only alive because of me.

Reznor: It's a fate worse than death, I can assure you. (Reznor stabs Captain Black Jack. Captain Black Jack ages and turns into dust.) Thank you.

(All the pirates, even the parrot, turns into dust. Phoebe gets the chalice.)

Piper: Nice speech.

Phoebe: There's still some left. We've gotta get it to Paige.

Piper: Wait. We don't want this happening any time again soon.

(Piper blows up the fountain of youth. Darryl and Sheridan arrive behind them. Sheridan points her gun.)

Sheridan: Hold it right there! I don't know how you did that, but just don't move.

Piper: Uh-oh.

Phoebe: Darryl, do something.

Darryl: I can't.

Sheridan: Face down, on the ground. Now.

(Sheridan is hit in the neck by a dart gun. She falls to the ground. Agent Brody is standing behind her. Darryl turns around and points his gun.)

Agent Brody: Dart gun. (Darryl looks at the dart sticking out of Sheridan's neck.) Told you, Morris, I wasn't after you. She'll be alright. She's gonna wake up with a hell of a headache, though.

Piper: Who are you?

Agent Brody: Someone you owe now. Go on, get out of here. I'll take care of her. You got a sister to save, right? (Piper and Phoebe quickly leave the cave.) You think you can give me a hand with her? Seriously. I think I'm gonna need some help.

[Scene: Piper's room. Leo, Wyatt and baby Chris are on the bed. Leo is asleep. Piper is standing at the doorway watching. Paige walks up behind her.]

Paige: Hey.

Piper: Hey. How you feeling?

Paige: I feel young, I feel grateful. You're not gonna hear me complain about getting old again until I'm at least seventy-five. The good news is, you know, you'll be there before I am.

Piper: You're right.

Paige: Hey, uh, what did that Agent Brody guy want, anyway?

Piper: I don't know. But that's tomorrow's problem.

Paige: He did a good job.

Piper: Yeah, he did.

Paige: Think it'll stay that way?

Piper: I hope so.

Paige: Good night, sweetie.

Piper: Good night... ma'am.

(Paige walks away. The Elder orbs into the hallway.)

Elder: It's not over yet, you know. His wounds won't easily heal.

Piper: I know.

Elder: Just don't give up on him, Piper. We're all going to need him back. Before the gathering storm.

(He orbs out.)

[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Les is there typing at the computer. Phoebe stands at the door.]

Phoebe: Knock, knock. (Les gets up and walks outside to the main room.) Ohh, you're really mad, aren't you?

Leslie: No, no, I get stood up all the time.

Phoebe: Actually, that's not true. Listen, uh, I would've called you but...

Leslie: But what? Why didn't you?

Phoebe: You know what, it's kind of complicated.

Leslie: You use that excuse a lot. I mean, is it something you're not telling me or do you just think I'm stupid.

Phoebe: No, of course I don't think you're stupid.

Leslie: Well, then what is it? What are you afraid of?

Phoebe: Who says I'm afraid of anything?

Leslie: You're afraid of commitment, aren't you?

Phoebe: Commitment? What are you talking about? What commitment? I thought this was just a publicity stunt.

Leslie: Oh, the hell you did. I mean, come on, why can't you just admit you like me? What is the big deal?

Phoebe: Oh, you're one to talk, mister. You're the one that had to orchestrate this whole contest because you were too afraid to ask me out straight.

Leslie: That is not true.

Phoebe: Oh, no?

Leslie: It's not true.

Phoebe: Oh, really. Okay. Then how come you didn't tell me about it until after you already printed it? Until after you won the contest. Yeah, that's right, I knew the whole time.

Leslie: And you didn't say anything?

Phoebe: No, you didn't say anything.

Leslie: You never called me back.

Phoebe: Oh, you know what? That's lame.

Leslie: If you knew about the contest, why did you agree to go through with it?

Phoebe: Well, because...

Leslie: Because of what? Come on.

Phoebe: Honestly? You wanna know the truth? I didn't want to embarrass you.

Leslie: Ehh, wrong answer.

Phoebe: You know what? You don't know me.

Leslie: You won't let me know you.

Phoebe: That's not true.

(They move closer to each other.)

Leslie: You're afraid of getting involved with me, because you're afraid of getting hurt again.

Phoebe: Save the advice for your readers.

Leslie: You read me.

(Phoebe kisses him. They kiss passionately and start removing their clothes.)