Mr. & Mrs. Witch/Script

Mr. & Mrs. Witch Written by: Rob Wright

Season 8, Episode 11 Episode Number: 167

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is typing on her laptop and Billie is walking around.]

Billie: Here's the thing, I have powers which means my sister has powers too, so if the demon that took her wanted to use her powers for evil, the only place they could do that would be corped in America. So,...

Phoebe: So you think this is some kind of demonic conspiracy?

Billie: Exactly. What do you think?

Phoebe: Well, I think if it is, it will be there tomorrow. Today, you're supposed to pick up your parents.

Billie: No, wait...

Phoebe: No, no waiting. They traveled a very long way to see you, Billie.

Billie: Your idea, not mine.

Phoebe: Yeah, I think it was a very good idea, thank you.

Billie: Yeah, well you haven't met them yet.

Phoebe: Oh, come on, they can't be that bad.

Billie: No, my father is a robot, my mother is a wallflower and they haven't talked about my sister in years.

Phoebe: Yeah, and that's why we invited them to dinner. Trust me, okay, a little bit of Piper's food, some nice wine and everybody will be able to relax.

Billie: You cannot relax around them, they're impossible. And plus, they don't know anything about witches, magic...

Phoebe: Well, they must have some idea, especially if you both have powers.

Billie: I think we were both adopted. (Phoebe laughs.) Anyway, so let me get back to my theory. So I have an appointment with one of those mucky-mucks who was kidnapped as a kid, and I think if i can just get him to touch this paper i enchanted, (She shows Phoebe a paper.) I'll know if he's magical, and I'll know he's on to something.

Phoebe: Wait, how do you know that works?

Billie: Well, i tested it on Paige a few days ago. Please don't tell her.

Phoebe: (Phoebe stands up.) Okay, here's the deal: If you wany to borrow my car, you can.

Billie: Great.

Phoebe: But only if you're gonna pick up your parents, okay, not chase somebody. (Billie starts to protest, but decides to let it go.) (Phoebe closes her laptop and starts to walk out of the attic. Billie follows her.) It can't be as bad as you think, and, you know what? Who knows, they may even surprise you!

Billie: Surpire me? They're gonna suck the life out of this place! (As she leaves the attic, the flowers kept in a pot on the attic table completely wilt. She turns around, but doesn't see the flowers. She leaves the attic.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Sitting room. Piper walks in holding a flower pot, a video camera and a cell phone to her ear.]

Piper: (To her phone) Dominique, everything's gonna be fine. Just make sure you have enough beer, (She puts the flower pot on a cupboard.) turn the music up, turn the lights down low and you'll be fine, all right? all right, I'll talk to you later. Bye. (You see Phoebe typing on her laptop. Piper cuts the phone, puts it down and takes the video camera in her hands. Phoebe looks at Piper's video camera.)

Phoebe: What's that for?

Piper: It's for Leo. (Piper put the camera on the cupboard so it faces Phoebe.)

Phoebe: You're videotaping yourself sitting at the table for Leo?

Piper: Well, when you go away on a long trip, it's the little things you miss.

Phoebe: Yeah, but sweetie, he's not on a long trip. He's frozen.

Piper: Not for long.

Phoebe: Yeah, but unfortunately we don't know how long it's gonna take.

Piper: Precisely my point. But just, you know, act natural.

Phoebe: Okay, you know what? I'm just gonna work upstairs. (She closes her laptop and starts to stand up.)

Piper: W-Wait, is it gonna bother you that much?

Phoebe: Well, Yeah! (Piper looks at her.) Okay, no