Charmed Noir

Charmed Noir is the 142nd episode of Charmed.

Summary
Paige and Agent Brody, are drawn into an unfinished novel that takes place in the 1930s, and they must elude the gangsters in pursuit of the famed Burmese Falcon. Meanwhile, Phoebe, Piper and Leo work to re-write the novel to help get Paige and Brody out of it, before they're killed.

Plot
The librarian of the Magic School library, Miss Donovan, is arguing with the Literature Professor, Mr. Monkeyshines, who finds a number of the available books to be politically incorrect. Paige takes the side of Miss Donovan. She picks up a book with the title Crossed, Double-Crossed and Monkeyshines calls it "garbage"; but he clearly has not read it, and Paige argues in favor of 1930s-era detective novels. Leo calls Paige away and Monkeyshines, now curious, opens the book -- and is drawn into it. Leo asks Paige to watch over Wyatt and Chris so he can have some time with Piper. When Paige returns, she and Miss Donovan find Mr. Monkeyshines shot dead. Miss Donovan notes that twenty years earlier, a student had been shot dead by his brother.

At P3, Piper is cleaning a glass when it suddenly turns into a rose. Bunches of roses appear all across the bar and Leo walks in. He seems to be happy again and tries to reconnect with Piper, but she is reluctant. After she walks away, two fellow Avatars appear and try to make him embrace his new powers, but Leo only wants Piper.

Paige goes to Brody and he comes with her to Magic School. He tests Miss Donovan's hands and determines that she did not shoot the gnome. Miss Donovan names Eddie Mullen as the student who had shot his brother. On finding the book, Paige and Brody note the name "Mullen Brothers" on the cover. He opens the book and he and Paige are drawn inside.

They find themselves in a black-and-white world with 1930s-era cars, and are threatened by three goons with tommy guns, who suspect them of being after "the Falcon". They steal clothes to blend in and Paige adopts the name Lana, after Lana Turner. Paige realizes that the Mullen boy had probably been shot in the book, and that his brother Eddie was most likely still in the book.

Miss Donovan notes that the book has been moved. Phoebe picks it up and gets a vision; she knows what happened to Paige and Brody. She and Piper take the book to the manor and call for Leo.

Paige and Brody go to the Mullen Brothers Detective Agency and meet with Eddie Mullen and "Johnny the Gent", who had sent the three goons. Eddie and Johnny say everyone is after the "Burmese Falcon". Paige tells Eddie that she and Brody came from his school and they need his help to get back. They talk to Eddie in private. He says that corrupt cops had killed his brother, Dan. After a phone call from Johnny, Eddie claims to have received an anonymous tip regarding the Falcon. Eddie, Paige and Brody leave in Eddie's car.

Leo opens the book, apparently knowing what he is doing, and it tries to draw him in. Two other Avatars appear, standing behind Piper and Phoebe so that only Leo sees them; the Avatars gesture and the book is now safe to read. Phoebe sees the book apparently writing itself; Eddie is driving Paige and Brody into a trap, but Phoebe starts writing and Eddie has a flat tire. Phoebe's intervention is in vain, as crooked cops appear; Eddie tells Paige and Brody that the story can never end. Phoebe tries to write more, but no pen seems to work.

Two cops interrogate Paige and Brody separately about the Falcon, but of course they know nothing. Paige, on a hint from Phoebe, flirts with her interrogator, steals his gun and rescues Brody.

Leo and Piper meet with Eddie's mother. She says that Dan had wanted him to feel confident, to become a hero, by helping him write the book. Leo and Piper decide they must help Eddie finish the story.

Brody tries to convince Paige that Johnny, not the cops, killed Dan. Paige still wants to go after the gangsters, but Leo, Piper and Phoebe realize she needs to find Eddie. Phoebe writes in a falling piano to change Paige's mind. Brody and Paige enter Eddie's office, but find Johnny there. He shoots Brody, but finds Paige a "knockout" and spares her. Eddie walks in and Paige tells him that Johnny had killed Dan; Johnny tries to shoot Paige but his gun is empty, presumably thanks to Phoebe.

Phoebe writes in a flashback and Eddie sees how Dan died; Johnny thinks that Dan has the Falcon and demands its location. Dan refuses, and Johnny shoots him. The police sirens wails as Paige convinces Eddie to end the story as Johnny threatens to break Paige's neck. Eddie opens a safe hidden behind a picture, and removes the Falcon from it. He smashes the Falcon against the floor; the story ends, its MacGuffin now destroyed.

Eddie, Paige and Brody find themselves in the manor. Leo heals Brody's gunshot wound. The book now credits authorship to "the Mullen brothers and the Halliwell sisters".

The Mullen Brothers
Twin brothers and witches who embarked on writing a crime fiction novel together. Due to them writing themselves as characters into the book and the magical nature of their environment, the brothers got sucked in. Dan was mysteriously killed with Eddie forced to work with the boss Johnny the Gent. This lead the sisters to think that it was Eddie who killed his brother. After twists and turns written into the book Eddie realises who killed Dan and destroyed the artifact keeping them in the story.

Johnny the Gent
Johnny the Gent was a fictional character created by the Mullen Brothers who double-crossed his creators to kill Dan and hold Eddie hostage.



Quotes

 * (After the gnome professor mentions the Lady Godiva incident)
 * Ms. Donovan: He's just using it to push his own agenda, which is to stifle freedom of speech!
 * Mr. Monkeyshines: (he magically removes Ms. Donovan's mouth) That's what I call stifling.
 * Paige: You give her back her mouth right now!

:Piper: I was talking about the gnome, not the husband.
 * Phoebe: Oh, right. Of course. Um well according to the book they don't have any natural enemies, but as a species they tend to piss people off.
 * Piper: But you said he was shot. Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the 'G' silent?
 * Phoebe: That's a really good question. I think the fact that he was shot in Magic School is what worries Paige the most.
 * Piper: I don't blame her. The boys aren't still there, are they?
 * Phoebe: No, she brought them back. They're taking their naps.
 * Piper: I'm just getting really tired of this.
 * Phoebe: Oh, don't worry we'll find out who killed him.
 * Piper: No, not the gnome, the husband.
 * Phoebe: Oh, I can't keep up.

:Kyle: Remember our deal, right?
 * Paige: I remember there being talk of a deal.
 * Kyle: So suppose that you'll find time to help me with the Avatars?
 * Paige: I suppose you'll want to look at the books at the Magic School?
 * Kyle: Suppose I'm not thinking about those books right now?
 * Paige: Suppose I'm hoping you're not thinking of those books?
 * Kyle: I wonder if I know what you mean.
 * Paige: I wonder if I... Oh, shut up and kiss me